grandma shit on top of the toilet
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
