I want you more than these girls want KFC
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
