I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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