i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
