I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
