SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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