defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
