She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
