You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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