My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
should my penis look like a turkey
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
