Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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