now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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