yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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