just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
