I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
