i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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