i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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