I'm going to jail i love you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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