Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
