Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
