she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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