Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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