READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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