You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
