i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
