I puked a lego.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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