i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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