i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
