took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
