Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
