A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
