btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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