i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
