I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
