she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
