Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
