I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
