actually, I'm a sock model
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
