everyone is single if you try hard enough
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
