just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
