he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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