Need sex. Gaining weight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
