I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
