Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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