I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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