You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
