i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your cock deserves a montage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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