bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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