I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
