why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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