She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
