I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
