Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
