I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
