Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i out mim tonsoeep
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