I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
