can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
