my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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