matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
