Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
