you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
